This Week's Sound Bites
Mary: “Don’t forget Mom’s birthday is Monday. Let me call you back, I need to get off of here so I can kill your nephew.” Me: “Hmm, okay. Just make sure you clean up all the blood stains afterwards.”Chris: “The city council says they can bring me on to the force in two months but the Chief is trying to get me on with another department that will hold me for them until then.” Me: “But I thought you were signing on with bizcoach and stat a small business.that wants you…” (I’m totally lost at this point.)Corey: “In a minute….” Me: “NOW!”Anthony: “Are you checking my grades online again?” Me: “Yeah, anything I should know before I pull them up?”Amanda: “Who are these kids and why do they keep calling me Mom?” Me: “Payback’s a bitch isn’t it?” (said with an evil grin.)Tiffany: “Did anybody call for me?” Me: “Yes. No. Maybe. Dunno. Ask the boys.” (repeat 12 times daily.)Nick: “Have you seen my ________ ?” Me: “Clean your room and you’ll probably find whatever it is you’re looking for.”Stacey: “Hi Mom, you sound terrible.” Me: “Yeah but it’s not as bad as it was.” (said while covering the phone as another barrage of sneezes hits me.)Tony: “I’d rather be at home with you.” Me: “I’d rather you be at home with me.”Mom: “Have you been to the doctor yet?” Me: “No Mom, it’s just a virus.” (repeat daily.)Karen: “Heard anything more from your ‘best friend’ lately?” Me: “Don’t ask.”Mackenzie: “Did Grandpa buy me cookies?” Me: “You can have cookies when your Mom gets back, I’m not dealing with you on a sugar buzz.”School Counselor: “We have a problem.” Me: “I’m going to let you talk to his Dad.”Insurance Company: “We have to review the claim to make sure it was an accident and not a pre-existing dental condition. The review process takes 30 days.” Me: “When a kid walks into a dentist office at 7:30 on a Saturday morning with two freshly broken teeth and exposed nerves, you can be pretty certain it’s not from dental decay.” (said while fighting the urge to beat the phone against the desk.)Paris: “Wanna hear the new song I learned?” Me: “Does this one have bad words in it?”